KUALA LUMPUR - Police raided an apartment unit at Damansara 10pm yesterday when their sources informed them of a sex party that was allegedly taking place, only to find out that they have busted the wrong apartment unit.
“The place was quiet when we arrived,” said Lieutenant Sri Ahmad bin Whatafak, “and I started getting suspicious, because most sex parties are loud and bright. At first I thought this was a new sex party theme where the kids would have pre-marital sex quietly and in the dark, but I was soon proven wrong.”
The police opted for the element of surprise and approached the apartment unit quietly. Without even knocking on the door, the police broke it down and rushed in, only to find five men. According to the lieutenant, “They panicked like hell when they saw us coming in. One of them was holding a crowbar and a flashlight, two of them were lifting a 25-inch plasma TV until they dropped it at the sight of us, another was next to a cupboard taking out precious trinkets and putting them in a large sack, and the last one was hastily making his way out through the window.”
“It’s quite obvious that this wasn’t a sex party,” said Corporal Khairul Nazri bin Dumshiat. “Sex parties usually involve varsity teens getting drunk and naked having godless orgies. The five adult men that we found not only wore full dark attire, they also wore face-concealing masks; two of them were wearing ski masks, while the others just improvised by using T-shirts to wrap around their heads. Besides, there were no girls around. How can anyone have a sex party without any girls?”
“It was either a false alarm, or we got the wrong house,” said Khairul. “Absolutely no sex party was happening there.”
Realizing their mistake, the police quickly apologized to the men, who for some odd reason were holding their hands high in the air and staring at the policemen with abject terror. According to Khairul, one of them even dropped down to his knees in front of him and repeatedly cried out ‘ampun pak, ampun’ until he burst into tears.
“Yeah, they were sort of a weird bunch, with the dark clothes and masks and acting suspicious and all that,” said Sri Ahmad, “but they weren’t participating in some lewd and shameful sex party, so everything’s okay.”
The corporal further explained, “We then explained to them about our mix-up, that we’ve mistakenly thought that they were committing the crime of flesh. They were rather confused at first, but after realizing what was happening, they started to laugh out loud and talked amongst themselves in an unknown Malay dialect, with words like ‘polisi’ and ‘goblok’. Even the kneeling guy was now rolling all over the floor laughing his heart out. It was totally weird.”
According to the police, once the men calmed down, they explained that they were just moving their relative’s furniture and other belongings to a new apartment, and the reason for the darkness was because of a faulty fuse. “That still doesn’t explain why the window grill was sawed off and the pane broken, but hey, at least their not spending their night sinning in some damnable cum fiesta.”
Before the police departed from the apartment, the law enforcers gave an example of good will by helping the five mysterious men load all the apartment’s stuff into a big black truck parked outside as a way to make amends for the little screw up. “They’re really nice guys once you get to know them,” said the corporal. “We helped them move the plasma TV, the entire home theater system, two PCs, the sofa set, the entire safe box that they drilled and yanked out of the wall, a collection of expensive-looking vases, roles of carpeting, about a dozen sacks containing valuables such jewelry, ornaments, DVDs and what have you. They practically picked the whole place clean.”
Police waved goodbye at the men as they drove off, and they laughed and waved back using an obscure hand gesture of forming a fist and sticking out the middle finger. “As the truck pulled into the main road, we noticed that the truck was missing the license plate,” said the Khairul, “but road regulations are really out of our jurisdiction. Besides, it’s not really a big deal compared to the evilness of sex with multiple partners.”
When asked about how the mix-up happened, Nur Haliza, the operator for the Damansara Police Department emergency line, said, “We received a call saying that there was an ongoing ‘burglary’ at the apartment. We have no idea what a ‘burglary’ is, so we just assumed it was another code word for ‘sex party’.”
None of the five men were identified as famous celebrities.
- BERNAMA
0 Response to "FALSE ALARM OF SEX PARTY IN POLICE RAID"
Post a Comment