One cold, breezy night, Jamie and Karen are spending some intimate time in a beautiful park. They are sitting on a bench facing a lake, the side of their hips touching each other. The moon is beautifully round and bright, and an opera of crickets chirping complements the romantic scene

“Jamie,” Karen says, her hand slithering over her boyfriend’s lap, “there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it, sweetheart?” says Jamie, his arm going around Karen’s back and hugging her as his eyes gaze into Karen’s. “You know you can tell me everything. No secrets between us, right?”

“Owh, Jamie,” Karen replies, her eyes turning away from her before her face becomes a bit down. “You’re so sweet and all, but I’m afraid that you’ll-“

Before she can finish her sentence, Jamie releases his hug from her and stands up from the bench and faces her with a stern countenance. “Karen, please don’t say that there’s another guy.”

“No, Jamie,” she replies with a voice belying hesitance, “I love you, and only you Jamie. You know that’s true!”

Jamie is relieved to hear those words from her, but it still isn’t over. “But then what, Karen? What is it that you’re having a problem telling me?

Before Karen can open her mouth to reply, her eyes catch a faint glitter, like that of a small piece of shiny metal, from afar. She knows what it is, and quickly she grabs her boyfriend and pulls him to the ground before a small metal object narrowly whizzes pass them and hitting the wood of the bench. Perplexed, Jamie gets out of Karen’s embrace and stands up, only to see a deadly shuriken sticking out of the bench.

“Jamie, get down!” Karen yells. Still in bewilderment, Jamie quickly hits the dirt, just in time for two more shurikens to fly just above him.

“Holy crap!” shouts Jamie, panicking. “What the heck was that?”

“Jamie, that thing that I’m supposed to tell you,” she says, her eyes searching the shadows around them. “The truth is, I’m really-“

Her last words do not get to escape from her mouth before she is interrupted by sounds coming from a nearby bush. Two ninjas, dressed in black attire, jump out of the shadows before drawing their deadly katana swords.

“Heiya!” shouts one of the ninjas. “Karen-san, surrender the secret information now, or you shall meet your doom!”

“Come and take it from me!” Karen shouts back as she draws two pointy daggers that before were perfectly hidden underneath her sweater. Jamie gapes. “Stand back, Jamie darling, this fight is beyond you!”

One of the ninjas flies toward her with a flying kick, but she is fast enough to step away from the attack to land a hard stab into the ninja’s crotch. As the ninja falls to the ground and rolls side to side in agonizing pain, the other ninja closes in and swings his katana at her. She manages to intercept it with one of her daggers, and swiftly she uses the other one to impale his arm. The ninja collapses, with blood gushing out of his arm.

The other fallen ninja, after recovering from his injury, comes to aid his partner. What follows is a scene straight from a Jet Li action movie, with two ninjas battling a single woman with killer moves like Neo. Jamie only stands at the side, awed and dumbfounded by this turn of events. Karen has got a lot of explaining to do.

About five minutes later, all the ninjas lie on the ground, their breaths exasperated and their bodies beaten. Karen sheathes her daggers back inside her sweater and slowly approaches one of the ninjas who looks like he is still able to talk. She crouches down to him and roughly snatches him by the collar with one hand, her face looking fiercely intimidating.

“Who sent you, scumbag?!” she roars with one tightly-clenched fist shaking in front of his face. “Who do you work for? The Illuminati? The Secret Neo-Nazi Organization? The Hidden Soviets?”

“That, my dear spy, is something that you will never find out.” Swiftly and painfully, the ninja twists his head, effectively breaking his own neck. The ninja would rather commit suicide than to divulge any information about his secret faction. Karen then turns toward the other ninja, only to find out that he has done the same thing.

The scene turns quiet again, with only the chirping of crickets filling the air. Karen’s fierce face slowly changes into worry as she turns toward her boyfriend, Jamie. “Look, Jamie darling, I need to explain something to you but I need you to be a bit understandi-“

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” interrupts Jamie, with things becoming more clear for him. “I understand that you’re a super-secret agent who knows kung-fu and is working undercover for a the government for god knows what reason. I’m cool with that. I mean, it’s weird and all, but we’ll find a way to live through it.” Jamie smiles as he walks towards Karen, reaching out to hold Karen’s soft, blood-soaked hand.

“But Jamie darling, that’s not what I was trying to tell you. I mean, I know that hiding my secret identify from you was wrong, but it wasn’t it.”

Jamie is let down. “Then what is it, Karen? What else could you possibly be hiding from me that is bigger?”

“Well,” she says hesitantly, her cheeks turning red. “I’m seven weeks pregnant with your baby.”