I remember back when I was about 7, and my mother and I went to the local cinema to see a movie in the weekend. I was too young back then, too illiterate to read English and too naïve to give anymore care about films than any normal child should, so I didn’t quite remember the title of the film. That feeling of apathy changed however after I watched it, and it was the most fantastic experience I had back then. The acting, the screenplay, everything about the film struck my little infantile mind like pitchforks jamming into my brain, telling me to wake up and realize the wonderful and magical world of cinema. Unfortunately, and perhaps sadly, I never knew what that film was. I tried checking video stores everywhere and described the film as I experienced it to the clerks, but none of them knew what I was talking about. To this day that film still remained in my memory as the greatest masterpiece of a film I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

And that brings us to my review of Snakes on a Plane.

It was a cold Friday night, and I sat in the middle row with my usual combo of large popcorn and Pepsi. While the big screen was blaring cinema ads, my mind was brainstorming on what sort of steaming pile of feces Hollywood has squeezed out of its wretched anus for film buffs like me to suffer. However, when the opening credits started to roll, I found out to my utmost regret that I had made a gross misjudgment.

What was presented on the big screen was a masterpiece unlike anything I’ve ever seen before, unprecedented even when compared to the likes of Schindler’s List or Citizen Kane. All the elements of the film seemed to blend in seamlessly with each other and everything else. I was only 10 minutes into the opening scene and already the film struck me straight at the heart, grabbed the very core of my soul and pulled me away from my world with its masterful cinematography, brilliant screenplay and unrivalled acting.

I don’t want to spoil anything, but since the film is majestically good, here is a short summary about the whole plot. The film is about snakes. On a plane. The simplicity and non-sequitor nature boggles my mind to this end, as if the seemingly simple titular plot has a much deeper meaning than what can be expressed by simple words about serpents and avionics. No, my dear readers – Snakes on a Plane is more than just a film about snakes or planes or snakes in planes for that matter.

I also noticed that the film has countless threads of deep symbolic meanings, most of them allusions to issues regarding the very nature of humanity and the mind-numbing complexity of the human psyche. There was a scene where the ‘snakes’ (representing the slithering fall of communism during the post-Soviet era, referencing on how the Russian people learned how to ‘shed their skin’) came out of the ‘cargo bay’ (an allegory to free commerce brought upon by the influencing force of western Capitalism) and ‘rampaged’ (representing the rampaging riots caused by the oppressed and subjugated people suffering in various third world countries such as Uganda and Bosnia due to corrupt leadership and unethical administration practices) through the ‘aisle’ (the ever advancing aisle of modern technology and infrastructure) in the ‘passenger cabin’ (a reference to the ever-increasing risk of flying as an aftermath of the terror attacks in 9/11). It’s amazing how David R. Ellis, the gifted director of this majesty of a movie, crammed up as much meaningful content in a 5-minute scene, and that’s still not counting the emotional parts yet.

If there ever was an autobiography written about the life of Samuel L Jackson, then it will require three 500-page volumes alone to cover every single detail on his role as Agent Flynn, the protagonist and central object to everything that made Snakes on a Plane a modern masterpiece that would have been created by Leonardo Da Vinci if he had lived until today. Mr. Jackson is certainly a masterful thespian, a guru in his own trade – his character portrayed layers upon layers of emotion, and if one were to look into his dark, pearly eyes during the scene in which he was beating off the snakes from his body (of course, a symbol of the Protestant Revolution of 16th century Europe ‘beating off’ the old Roman-Catholic practices), one could almost feel the gut-wrenching spectrum of emotions such as anguish, fear and helplessness in the face of a venomous enemy (an homage to the ‘venomous’ effect of nuclear arms development by the Iranian administration). Truly Mr. Jackson will be hailed as one of the best actors of all time, if not THE best. So great was his performance that I predict him to be a deserving winner of the 2006 Oscar Awards for Best Actor, and Menacing Cobra #3 a nominee for Best Supporting Actress.

After the film was over, when the end credits began to role…I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move. I was bewildered, as if the world I once knew ended at that very moment. Even after my girlfriend Sarah Tan urged me to get up and walk out, I still couldn’t budge. The movie made me ponder about a lot of things – things that I’ve always accepted to be true and took for granted, things that meant a lot to me yet felt so meaningless. I thought about the nature of existence, about fate, and the presence of a benign God. Too many thoughts raced in my mind that salty tears of incomprehension started to form in my blank, clueless eyes and roll down my cheeks. It was only when Sarah Tan promised me a blowjob once we get home that I finally had the will to get up from my warm seat and venture out once again into this cold, cruel world we call life. Please note that I left not because of the promise of sexual gratification, but rather out of the ultimate realization that oral sex is the critical key to world peace. Politicians and leaders the world over can learn a lot from watching Snakes on a Plane.

I feel that no film buff will ever be able to put into words the sheer brilliance of Snakes on a Plane, nor will they ever be another movie that would transcend it in our lifetime. I certainly recommend this to everyone from all walks of life - men and women, young and old, the born and the yet to be – not just for a mere two hours worth of entertainment, no, but also for the huge amount of gain in personal enlightenment and self-discovery. I may never know the title of that film I watched when I was 7, but thank god, at least now I know the title of another film that is forever etched into my mind whenever I think of the best film that ever existed, and that title is called Snakes on a Plane.

P.S: The movie is 18PL: Rated for extreme scenes involving religion, sex, violence, or a combination of the three.

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